The trouble with tongue twisters
by littlemsbookworm
Summary: What could possibly happen when the Kira task force stumbles upon some tongue twisters? Apparently a lot.


**Disclaimer: I dont own Death Note, or those tongue twisters, or Chuck Norris, no matter how many stars i wish on :(**

It all started simple enough.

The Kira investigation was going slow, no new evidence was being uncovered, and most of the task force were becoming discouraged at the lack of progress. This unease did not seem to skip over L, who found that he was experiencing a form of "detective's block", in which he could not concentrate at all on the case at hand. L decided he needed a break, just a short one as Kira needed to be caught as soon as possible, but a break nonetheless.

Turning away from the many screens on the wall his eyes slowly scanned the room as he tried to think of something to do. His gaze fell on Matsuda, who was staring at a piece of paper and muttering under his breath; his eyes screwed up in concentration. Every few seconds he would stop speaking and stare at the paper before whispering again, his face getting more and more frustrated each time. _What on earth is he doing?_ Curious, L slid his chair over to Matsuda's desk, shocking the young man, who was completely unaware that he was being watched.

"Ack!" he cried, spinning around, eyes wide. "Oh, it's you Ryuzaki! You scared me there. Do you need something?"

"What is that you're working on there Matsuda?" L asked, trying to look at the paper in Matsuda's hand.

"This? It's a tongue twister. I figured nothing was really going on so I might as well try to solve it."

"A…tongue twister? May I see it?" Matsuda nodded and handed over the paper. It had several sentences on it. The first read:

_**If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,  
where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?**_

L gazed at the paper, frowning slightly.

"Why has this Piper man picked these peppers in the first place? Whose peppers are these? Does he have permission to pick these peppers?"

"For goodness sake Ryuzaki," said Light from across the room, looking up from some papers, "Stop looking into it so much. It's not a question. You're not supposed to answer it."

"On the contrary Light it seems it is a question, a question of great importance. Who is Peter Piper? Is that even his real name? I think not. And if it is not, why hide it?"

Light groaned. Leave it to L to make something as easy as a children's riddle this difficult. "Ryuzaki, do you even know what a tongue twister is?"

"No, but from its description I can deduce that it must be quite painful." L replied absently, still staring intently at the paper.

"No it's not!" You're just supposed to say these words really fast and see if you can pronounce them correctly!" Light was getting frustrated. Why were they wasting time on this when there was a mass murderer on the loose?

"Yeah like this!" Matsuda said excitedly. "Peter piper picked a pick- whoops-peck of pickled peppers! How many peppers pickled did Peter pick? Or is it how many pickled peppers did he pick? Ah shoot! I still can't get it!"

By now the entire task force was watching the scene unfolding before them: L gazing at the paper as though it held the answers to the universe, Light rolling his eyes as he tried to convince the detective that there was nothing suspicious about Peter Piper, and Matsuda failing at repeating the rhyme correctly.

"I'm telling you there is nothing out of the ordinary in this riddle!" Light said.

"Even if that is true Light, which I believe it is not, this next one is even MORE suspicious:

_**How much wood would a woodchuck chuck  
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?"**_

"What the hell is suspicious about that?"

"Why is how much lumber this small animal can throw so important?" L continued, "Is wood possibly a codeword? Is woodchuck a codeword?"

"It's not a codeword, it's a children's riddle!" Light was practically shouting now.

"Excuse me, Ryuzaki." Chief Yagami cut in, looking confused. "Can you please explain how this relates to the Kira case?" L looked up from the paper, a serious look in his eye.

"I believe that these so called… "twister tongues?" is it?"

"Tongue-twister! Not twister tongue!" Light corrected.

"Yes _those_, may be important clues that will lead us to Kira."

"Are you out of your mind? These have absolutely NOTHING to do with Kira!"

"I think you are being woefully small minded Light…or…" L broke off thoughtfully, his thumb halfway in his mouth.

"Or what?" Light asked, his teeth grinding.

"Or you could be trying to cover up the fact that YOU are Kira and that these so called "riddles" ARE clues that will help us solve the case."

"How many times do we have to go through this? I. AM. NOT. KIRA!"

Completely ignoring Light, L turned towards the rest of the task force.

"Gentlemen, after looking at this paper, I believe I have deduced the hidden meaning within these sentences."

"And what would that hidden meaning be?" Mogi asked.

"Peter Piper is code for Kira. Picking a peck of pickled peppers is code for the mode of killing, or "picking off" as some call it. The second sentence "where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?" asks the question "what or WHO is the murder weapon used by Kira?" Now this would seem to be a dead end, if not for the second clue. Now, this next sentence asks, "how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" Now this clearly states the identity of the murder weapon. The murder weapon is a woodchuck. Not just any woodchuck however. This is not a furry animal. No, woodchuck is part of the title, "Wood Chuck Norris". Clearly Kira kills people buy harnessing the power of Chuck Norris. That is what these riddles mean."

There was complete silence. Finally Light, with a look of pure bewilderment, spoke up.

"…You believe that Kira… is killing people with the help of a well known American icon?"

"Yes."

There was another long silence. Then Chief Yagami nodded. "Yes, it all makes sense now. THE clues all fit together."

"Clues? What clues? This random piece of paper? Dad, how the hell can you actually believe this?" Light said.

"I think the chief is right" Mogi said, "What Ryuzaki said makes a lot of sense."

"Have you all lost your minds? This is ridiculous!" Light wailed.

"I agree with Ryuzaki too." Matsuda said. The task force all nodded.

"Well Light." L said slowly, turning to face the young man. "It appears everyone agrees except you. I wonder why that is? Hmm…this only raises your Kira percentage I'm afraid."

"I AM NOT KIRA!"

"Prove it."

"How?"

"Say "I am not kira." five times fast."

"NO! That's completely ridiculous!"

"So you ARE Kira?" Light caught just a glimpse of a smile on the detectives face. Bastard.

"Ugh! Fine! -oh _shit_."

"AHA! KIRA! Arrest him!" L said, pointing dramatically, almost falling out of his chair. "Take him away! You and your reign of Chuck Norris terror are finished!"

_No_. Light thought.

_NO!_

Light woke up with a start, confused. What just happened? Was it all…a dream? He sighed with relief. It was only a dream, and a very odd one at that. _Thank god…I must have fallen asleep while working… _He turned around only to see L hunched over Matsuda.

"What is that you're working on there Matsuda?" L asked, trying to look at the paper in Matsuda's hand.

"This? It's a tongue twister."

_SHIT._


End file.
